Marriage Timelines and the society we live in

Marriage Timelines

As a young woman in my mid-twenties, I have been there and I am yet to meet this expected and quite frustrating query.

“When are you getting married” Frankly speaking, the top of my new year resolution list this year was to cut off association with people who put me into such coercion, I mean I have even attempted to minimize the pace at which I attended social gatherings literally! This pressure is so real!! I’ve had several people ask when I’m getting married because I’ll expire…eiiiiish that word!! I guess it’s hard for people to understand that everyone has their own timelines.

To be precise, age is just but a number, we certainly appreciate with age not the other way round and for the matter of fact ain’t the society the same party that stresses building a life, being in possession of a steady career, income before settling down? The stress that this 21st-century adults, wedded couples and our elders place on us is just a fathom, difficult and too much to bear.

Ooh, the fertility clock is ticking…like seriously? Ain’t you the same people that discourage childbirth before marriage and go as far as cursing and deeming those that have experienced the same fornicators and hell hath no fury as to how many ill fingers that are pointed their way due to their so forbidden ‘mistakes’.

I used to underestimate just how hard it is for women to carry on with their lives without the societal pressure to get married and start a family.

Just this weekend, imagine, I have been asked about five times when I am getting married.

As irritating as this is, considering I am just in my mid-twenties. I have decided to let it slide because luckily for me, my immediate family understands my aspirations.

This had me thinking, at what age do women get to ‘expire’? At what age are we expected to have it all? It is such a sad state of affairs considering the average millennial woman has career goals, aspirations and dreams that might or might not be attached to a man or marriage for that matter.

Getting hitched should not be perceived as a prestigious societal position, leaving women who do not want to engage in the love affairs to be viewed as inferior beings, worse still those who do not want kids are, simply deemed, weird.

We whisper about them in hushed tones during family gatherings and tell our children not to grow up to be like aunt so and so. Women, in all aspects of life, have been psychologically bullied into accepting norms and no room is left for them to explore and become whoever they want to be.

I read somewhere that the worst thing to call a girl is a girl, we are viewed as such weak beings that our only purpose on earth is to literary facilitate reproduction and die.

Why should we tie our happiness to a man? So much that we are willing to be abused over and over again just to retain our positions as wives. Just to be clear, love is a beautiful thing, it is amazing but I stand for women having just the same liberal choices as men.

When a man is promiscuous, he is THE MAN, when a woman seeks the same sexual adventure becomes the classic whore tale. Being an African woman, I have an expiry date, we all do.

By age 25 we are expected to have brought a man home, by 27 everyone’s wondering where are the kids and being unmarried never settles well with our society.

While men appreciate with age, women apparently don’t. So apart from worrying about our expiring eggs, we also have to be worried about all the concerned relatives who call every birthday to remind us we’re not getting any younger.

Getting married at 30, settling down and raising a family at 35 is still beautiful and very possible. Do not let society kill you with their timelines.

There’s so much negativity and critique around women who do not conform to what everyone thinks is right. Well, as I am closing in on this, I just hope I do not go nuts dragging my boyfriend to the alter lol!


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